Ruby raves and rants - The New Guinness Advert

I always think you've got to be a little bit brave to ask for my opinion on adverts, I mean, I'm hardly little Miss muse and mumble am I? [A miserable old writing wench perhaps, but prone to platitudes? Not on your nelly, never, nope]... So when Charlie, at wonderful Splendid [that's not bad syntax, that's the name of the agency], sent me a little digital contraption the other day, full of images of the new Guinness campaign, I had to admire his guts and gumption huh?

The advert, of course, is everything you would expect a Guinness advert to be. You have the elegant slo-mo moments, the grand swell and scenes of spectacle and a pleasing soundtrack to surrender to. The grading is gorgeous, the shots resplendent and the budget belligerently beyond belief. There are - as ever - reflections and references to the settling of a Guinness pint [the opening rocket shot, for example] and locations that apparently took days to even reach... The crux of it is, you know you're watching a Guinness advert and there's nothing you can do about it. As an ex-producer, however, my thoughts throughout are with them; I can hear the director's solemn, simple words spoken across a coffee without eye contact 'and then I want them to be seemingly dragging miles of grass across the landscape please and for the world to split in two...' That's the bit I'd gather up and gulp at.

Polite plaudit bit done, however, Charlie will excuse me for pointing out a little scratchy something... Perhaps the press release can help me here:

"the ‘World’ ad sees a group of guys come together to bring a world to life... The rain triggers a group of men to start working who strike the ground with pick axes to create massive crevices... In the ocean, a man creates an underwater paradise by planting a bed of coral and releasing a shoal of fish.... Back on land men work together to re-shape the world... The men finally come together to see the fruits of their labour as a surging waterfall settles into the perfect pint of GUINNESS'.

Yes women of the world, men are building us an imaginary, beatific, tree-lined world of wonder. We don't have to lift a finger lucky ladies, there's a bunch of willing white guys out there hard at work with pick axes! I know, I know, I can't believe it either. I am the luckiest little lady alive. I'll tell you what. I'm going to pour those marvelous men a pint instead, sit back, watch the top slowly settle and un-burn my bra. Fuck it, I'll bake a cake too.

Innit.

Ruby [possibly biting the kind hand that fed her]. x